Wednesday, 21 September 2016

218 days

The last time I wrote was last year approximately in early January, whining about single life. Things changed since then. It is amazing how a year could make such a different that I no longer the same person I was.

I miss writing, accentuating my true emotions into a melodious form of words and sentences.

Where do I begin?

I have so much to catch up with the Internet and I have a lot on my plate that I don’t know which one to spread first. Let me start with the crucial part of the story with the fact that I am now a married man. I've found the love of my life and immensely in love with her beyond word I could tell.

I do not wish to jump to this part straight away and make it such an anticlimax to anyone, but I need to be honest with my anecdote.

The love of my life besides being my girl, she is also a stage four cancer fighter.

Typing this out is so much easier than having to explain the real deal about my story to anyone. People be (they still do) asking me so many questions when I decided to end my single-hood with a stage four cancer patient as if I was not thinking for myself. Excluded family members, questions coming from mostly friends and acquaintances surpassed stupidity. 

Of course, I learned that I did not have to entertain to almost anyone’s bombardments, and they did not have to validate my choice, but about all I could feel that hurts me the most was; it hurts my wife. 

Everyone deserves to be happy, to live, and that include a cancer patient; my wife. Her illness does not define her and her self-worth. She deserves to be happy as much as anyone, even when it means falling in love at the risk of an uncertain ending in her love story.

I see my wife beyond that, beyond her pain and illness. She is attractive with her undying spirit to live and she is beautiful with her amazing soul. I feel her raw emotions when she speaks goodness of others – of how her eyes light up with pure sincerity when she tells me tales about her life and people that matter. I feel her genuine warmth with the way she describes her life goals – she is the prettiest among any girls I’ve known of. I would marry her, for her characters, for her soul – I thought.

The day I married her was the day I begin my relationship, and that was only a beginning.

19 comments:

  1. assalamualaikum..your story really impressed me..i know how your wife feels..because my aunty also had the same cancer.you look like my uncle..my uncle stay with her wife till the end of her last breathed..i still remember every pain that my aunty felt.the least i can do was like gave her all my attetion.she was a lovely woman and really strong person..she had been a lot of pained..i hope you will be more stronger and always be positive..because Allah always be there for us..send my regard to your lovely wife..Assalamualaikum w.b.t

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  2. asslamualaikum, kamal. congratulations on your wedding! i used to read your blogposts since years ago (i lost count) , how you observantly blogged about things. recently i saw your tweet on my twitter timeline, how time passed.

    reading this post, i realized how you treasure your wife. true, there is never the need to validate your actions to other people. i believe you will shower her with attention and kindness as much as you can. love stories last forever, despite anything.

    as for Idzni Dalila, i aspire to be brave and wonderful as you are, girl.

    good luck in your future endeavors, guys!

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  3. assalamualaikum , i love to read and explore your life story how strong are you and your lovely wife . here , I always pray to Allah to increase your iman as a husband . so , send my regard to your pretty and lovely wife . Remember , there must be something that happens comes from it .

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  4. Assalamualaikum, your story is so inspiring me. I love to read every story that you've been written. It so lovely to see how much you love your wife. May Allah bless you and your wife :)

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  5. your story inspired me...salam takziah...semoga arwah ditempatkn di kalangan yg beriman...

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  6. I found and read your post after 3 month. very nice and good words, keep it up! hope you'll get back your happiness. aminn..

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  7. sangat mengharukan. saya harap saya jadi sekuat dan setabah cikgu kamal dan isteri. hilang kata bile bace kisah cikgu. sangat memberi inspirasi pada saya.teruskan menulis ye cikgu,teruskan menginspirasikan kami semua.terima kasih cikgu.

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  8. Assalamualaikum,

    I may not know you and your late wife personally. But when the newsfeed appeared I have went through both your wife's IG and yours and both of your blogs. She reminds me of myself. Her spirit, her words went through me deep. I cried knowing that she had passed. Knowing that her struggle to survive the battle had come to an end. I was raised in the family with cancer affected background. My grandma, aunts, mother and sister were affected. My sister passed when she was 34 years. I had to witnessed most of my family members passed and god knows how difficult it was having to deal with cancer and knowing the fact that the person effected would have minimum chance of survival. and yet we live as if we're not in pain. However, Mr Kamal, i always assure myself that all of this is just temporary. to know how strong we are depend on our iman. manusia, biasalah. iman sekejap naik sekejap turun. We aim high we hope and expect but when it doesnt go that way the only thing that keep us sane is iman. Me myself caught myself an anxiety disorder two years back when i was in my pupillage year after law school. It was due to anxiety of death and having to witness too many deaths due to cancer. I was scared and panicked most of the time that it would eventually happen to me. So I made myself close to Allah and pray hard to remove my anxiety and let me live. Because I was once full of positive vibes until environment changed me thoroughly. Alhamdulillah I managed. I read her blogs from the beginning till the end and I can see what she meant in her words as if it were my own. I love her spirit, her unshaken faith and how she has made right decisions along the way. If only I have known about her earlier I would have taken the time to write to her or even befriend her. Mr Kamal, it is hard seeing that she is no longer here. But she has loved you till the end of her life. Till the last breath she was grateful for you and that your presence has brought more meaning in her life. Not all people are lucky enough to love and be loved till the end. Be grateful for that and be proud of yourself that you have done such good deed by not judging and you have provided her your unconditional love any woman could have asked for. She was very lucky to have you. As a person who understands her struggle and pain, I would like to thank you for accepting her before, for making her happy and showering her with your endless love. After all, you were her crush her instagram husband isnt it. How sweet is that? She was blessed with so much love and that is what matter most to a cancer patient. Tell yourself that we cant expect her to suffer for so long somehow we have to let her go. But she definitely made a good closure by putting her ambition as a doctor at rest, coming back to malaysia, being with her family before she left and her words are read by many. She has made a beatiful closure to her journey and her short life was beautifully compressed. There shall be no regret in anything Mr Kamal. Everything was perfect till the end. I recited yassin for her and i uttered her name in my prayers as her pain was so real in me.More that I pray for her more that i know that her life was so beautiful and that she had managed her obstacles well enough. She had passed all exams given by god with flying colors. InsyaAllah. May Allah SWT grant her Jannah.. As for you, be well, grief well. If you have to cry just do it.. if you have to post in you ig of how much you missed her that is so fine. People love both of you and most of the people are so in love with your love story. After you have grieven dont forget to catch up with life. As your late wife always say "when life takes unexpected turns, live it anyway".

    You may not read all this but i just have to say it anyway.

    Thank you Mr Kamal and please live well.

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  9. Assalamualaikum bruh kamal. I know you're strong man to face all of this. Keep strong for all happened. I'll pray for you and for yr wife. Till you guys meet at Jannah. Amin ��

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  10. Assalamualaikum bruh kamal. I know you're strong man to face all of this. Keep strong for all happened. I'll pray for you and for yr wife. Till you guys meet at Jannah. Amin ��

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  11. Your love is so pure and unconditional, Mashaalah.

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  12. I think your can translate your stories into a novel

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  13. Assalamualaikum Kamal
    I think your stories can be translated into a novel..so touching...alfatihah for your wife

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  14. I think your can translate your stories into a novel

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  15. I envy your wife for having a husband like you, so loving and kind. My husband betrayed me and left me. May Allah bless you and may Allah grant your wife a place in Jannah.

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  16. Assamaualaikum, I envy your wife for having a husband like you, so loving and kind. My husband betrayed and left me. May Allah bless you and may Allah grant your wife a place in jannah.

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  17. Assalamualaikum. Kak Kamal, saya sangat terinspirasi oleh blog kakak dan Almarhumah Kak Idzni. Tolong sangat, apapun yang terjadi suatu hari nanti, jangan tutup blog Almh. Kak Idzni ya, tulisan tulisannya sangat menginspirasi dan saya sangat membutuhkannya. Sangat sangat membutuhkannya. Saya mohon. Terimakasih banyak. Saya harap Kak Kamal membaca komentar saya ini :)

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  18. Typing this out is so much easier than having to explain the real deal. True.

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